Pause When Agitated

Sober Living Tips

Zoom Meetings

COVID-19 and Zoom AA Meetings

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These are extraordinary times that are upon us. No doubt.

Anyone who says they see clearly around the corner, be it three-weeks, three-months, six-months, or beyond, is fooling themself. Sorry. The situation we are in is uncharted water. We all have to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

So what to do in the meantime?

Here are two things I am doing.

The First Thing – Remembering AA is not therapy.

First, I am not talking about “it” at AA meetings.  The other day I heard a burning desire share at the end of the Zoom meeting, “I’ve heard enough about COVID-19, I need to stop drinking!”

Wow, just wow. Something we all need to hear.

Imagine someone wanting to stop drinking at an AA meeting?

I get this is a most unusual time, and people need to vent, but I think now is the time to move past this in meetings and focus on “our number one problem” and the solution upon which we agree.

For those sincerely wanting to get sober, hearing about how to get there has the most value. And, exciting as weighing in with our thoughts on the virus may be, it is more group therapy then recovery.

I honestly don’t know what was happening in the world when I got sober. What I remember was the excitement of writing an inventory, making amends, and beginning a new life that continues through today. Those deeply significant and personal events trumped whatever was going on in “the real world.”

So, now that the novelty of video conference AA meeting has worn off, I’m trying to keep my sharing to alcoholism and recovery, not COVID-19.

The Second Thing – Capturing the Moment

All this is not to say I should deny or bury thoughts and feelings about the pandemic. Quite the contrary. I think now is the time to pay close attention to these thoughts and feelings that are being stirred up, then in the AA way, getting them on paper and sharing them with someone.

For me, I am having all kinds of big broad thoughts.

  • What is truly important to me? Am I living my life in a way that reflects this?
  • What do I miss? How will I savor those moments more in the future?
  • What is driving all this fear?
  • How great is it to be sober through all this!

I think these unusual times present a rare opportunity to pause, reflect, and gain some deeper self-knowledge on some of the things that make us tick, and what we value. Whenever things get back to some type of ordinary, trust me, you’ll forget these feelings and thoughts pretty quickly.

So, capture them now while you are feeling them. Nothing better than in-the-moment. Then, talk about these thoughts with a sponsor or other trusted AA confidant. See if there any changes you can make now or in the future. Then, enroll your sponsor in helping you stay accountable.

Noise is Noise

Much has been made of the AA Zoom meetings, both positive and negative.

The positive is how quickly the AA community almost overnight became mobilized getting AAs connecting online. The negatives have been the disruptive crashers, technical glitches, and security breaches that have created a whole lot of noise to the much beloved AA meeting.

But “noise” has always been a component of AA meetings. Those who want to get and stay sober, they learn to live with it.

The issue for me with these Zoom meetings is one of safety. “Do I feel safe to share in a meeting with disrupters and people who are hardly paying attention?” For me, the answer is no, I don’t. So, I’ve chosen to “pass” at most meetings when called on, opting instead to connect with fellow AAs one on one.

I hope this changes. The message here is, there is always “noise” in AA meetings one needs to push through, but, if you don’t feel safe, OK to pass.

The Message is Hope

In AA, the message is one of hope. You can get sober regardless of your current situation! Millions have.

And, look around, see all the people that are doing it, who are all saying, “you can too!” It’s easy to see why people are crashing our meetings to tap into this hope energy.

COVID-19 will end. That will be a great day. It will even be more glorious if you have used the time in between to either get sober or deepen the inner dimension of your sobriety.

Making the Most of Virtual AA Meetings

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Many AAs are finding themselves coming to grips with changing their behaviors during this pandemic. With many (or all)  meetings canceled, AAs craving the sobriety meetings offer are going virtual. Most challenging to this shift is that many are doing this for the first time.

This post is about good news and bad news about video conferencing for AA and some of the simple things you can do as a newbie to make these meetings great!

The Good News

The good news is video conferencing is not new. It’s a mature business. As a seasoned business, the competitors now have very little differentiation. The features are almost the same for all. So, if you are using WebEx, Zoom, Skype, MSTeams, or other video conferencing software, you’re experience is likely to be similar. And it will be, generally, a good one.

The excellent user experience is because these platforms work seamlessly across devices and operating systems. New users can typically get onto a platform easily, navigate the controls quickly, and literally within minutes be up-and-running with the software.

For people like me who have been remote workers for decades, we have come to rely on these platforms for everyday work. Team meetings, client discussions, and even conferences all work well with video conferencing.

So, the good news is, if you’re worried about virtual meetings sucking, don’t. They won’t. And, once you understand and follow a few basics, you’ll find these meetings almost as good as an in-person one!

The Bad News

The bad news for virtual AA meetings is many attendees will show up utterly ignorant of the best practices. Best practices, learned by veterans like me across years and multiple platforms, can help make a good meeting even better. All you need is an open mind.

Unfortunately, some AAs are notoriously close-minded to taking direction. As a result, eager newbies to this technology will show up and add an unintended level of distracting “noise” to the meetings. These distractions are similar to someone showing up late, on their phone through the meeting, and when called on, says, “uh, what’s the topic?” All easily avoidable if the person was a bit, ahem, more conscientious.

There will also be a bunch of new meeting leaders foisted upon us. There are folks with little or no experience leading web conferences. But, eagerness, willingness to help, and enthusiasm are not a straight line to technical competence. Good leaders are those who understand the application and have a bit of the nuanced skill required for online facilitation.  Facilitation and technical skills can be developed. But, if you’re coming to this for the first time, your road to mastery can be a bumpy one—both for you and all the people in your meeting.

Attendee Best Practices

Most people will be coming to virtual meetings as a participant. So, let me start with a few best practices you should consider if you’re attending a virtual meeting.

  • Be early.
  • Download software (if required) in advance of the meeting.
  • Go to the software vendor’s website and look for “tutorials” or “getting started” guides. Make use of them.
  • Pay close attention to controls for “views” “mute” “start/stop video” “audio connection” and “preferences.”
  • Connect from desktop or laptop if possible, not all these features work on these devices.
  • Use your computer for video. Again, smartphones and pad devices are not ideal.
  • Connect audio through phone (you will see a list of dial-in numbers when you first log in, dial into one of them).
  • Use a good pair of headphones with a microphone through your phone. “Use computer for audio” is an option but often creates echos, and the built-in computer microphone is typically inferior quality.
  • Conduct the call from an office (or location with a door). Dogs barking, people walking in the background, are highly distracting.
  • Be vigilant with your “mute” and “start/stop video” controls. We don’t need to see you walking around. Turn off the video! We also don’t need everyone yelling, “you are on mute!”
  • Take the meeting seriously and behave like you would at a live session.
  • Don’t multitask while doing the virtual meeting. It’s rude and disrespectful. Isn’t sobriety worth your full attention?

Meeting Leader Best Practices

Never led a virtual meeting before? Just doing your “AA thing” and volunteering anyway? Well, good for you!

But, this could be unintentionally bad for everyone who is attending your meeting. The attendees are counting on you to know what you are doing.

So, until we all become experts with video conferencing software, I thought I would provide a  shortlist of best practices.

  • Prepare in Advance – Go to the website of the vendor you are using. There are tutorial videos there. Watch them. Then, have some friends try it out with you before your first meeting. Make sure everything works. Trust me; you’ll be glad you did! There is nothing worse than being frustrated on a call with lots of attendees witnessing your frustration.
  • Provide a quick “technical orientation” at the beginning of the meeting. “I know there are some new-to-video-conferencing folks on the line today. Welcome! Let me point out a few buttons!” Then you might point out, where the controls are, and what some of the key controls do. I think the aforementioned “view” “mute” and “stop video” should be mentioned at the start of every meeting.
  • Remind everyone to “mute their lines and unmute their lines if called on.”
  • Know where the “mute participant” controls are and use it.
  • The same goes for “stop video!”
  • Headphones with microphones are best for leaders to listen with and being heard. So use them. 
  • Ask for help. If you are unsure how to do anything, reach out in your group to someone experienced. Maybe you let this experienced person “drive” on your first couple of calls until you get comfortable.
The Guiding Principal

The guiding principle here is to be considerate of others to make the best possible meetings during this challenging time. This global pandemic, no matter how complex, shall too pass.

Until it does, let us all take a bit of self-responsibility and make it work!

We got this, AA!