Introduction
A recurring theme on this website is the encouragement to enhance your communication skills. This applies to various scenarios, be it in meetings, interactions with other AA members, or the world at large. When your intended message is accurately perceived, everyone benefits. This principle applies to both spoken and written communication.
The Challenge in Effective Communication
Communicating with clarity can be a challenging task requiring consistent effort. Often, speakers aren’t completely sure about what they’re trying to convey, and talking it out becomes part of the process to refine their thoughts. This is quite normal. Shares at meetings frequently exhibit this partially-developed quality. AA members, for the most part, should not necessarily strive to become professional speakers.
The Need for Improvement
What I want to emphasize in this post is the need for AA members to be cognizant of their communication styles and make necessary changes. The objective is to avoid alienating people due to an uninformed communication approach. We aim to support, not deter newcomers with our words.
Resistance to Change
Unsurprisingly, some veterans may dismiss this conversation about language refinement as excessive. They might argue, “Who cares! When I got sober, they told me this and that! I needed that bluntness!” They justify their blunt, sometimes harsh delivery. You can expect such individuals to conclude with a comment like, “Well, in that case, if you drink, you might as well call Shakespeare!”
Understanding Loaded Terminology and Perspectives
Being aware of potentially divisive terms and concepts is the first step towards becoming a more inclusive communicator of AA principles that assist newcomers in maintaining sobriety. Words like God, Higher Power, spirituality, prescription medicine, religion, rehabs, therapy, and non-alcohol related problems can all evoke strong reactions. The list could quickly grow, and many terms carry emotional baggage. For example, the term “meditation” today means something entirely different than when it was defined in 1939.
The Danger of Dogmatism
Using these charged terms with an air of dogmatism can deter someone from attending their first meeting. This isn’t an appealing approach. An AA member dictating to a newcomer “exactly what they need to do,” either based on “personal experience” or citing “page XX of the big book,” can be off-putting to someone genuinely seeking help. Bear in mind, many of these newcomers are vulnerable. What they need is empathy and thoughtful, personalized support.
Challenging Traditional Attitudes
Again, some old-timers might argue, “the program is the program, people need to hear it raw! Otherwise, they may never discover the truth that can liberate them!” To this, one might sarcastically add, “And why not end with ‘F them!’?” That’s the underlying attitude.
Addressing Ego and ‘Big-Shot-ism’
But isn’t this attitude reminiscent of the ‘Big-Shot-ism’ that Bill W. warned against? To quote my mother, “who died and made you king?” Who anointed you the absolute authority in AA? I can tell you who – your ego. Such a position doesn’t exist. And as we’ve discussed before, for alcoholics, in most cases, ego is not your friend.
Effective Communication Techniques
So, if you wish to enhance your effectiveness in delivering a persuasive AA message in meetings, one-on-one, or in conversations, I encourage you to adopt these established communication techniques:
- Think before you speak – Pause and consider your words’ impact
- Speak in complete sentences – Clear thoughts require clear expression
- Stay focused on your main point – Avoid tangents that confuse your message
- Avoid over-sharing – Respect time limits and others’ attention spans
- Describe rather than prescribe – Share what worked for you, not what others “must” do
- Refrain from speaking for others – Use “I” statements instead of “we” or “you”
- Provide brief examples – Illustrate your points with concrete, relatable experiences
- Limit and soften loaded terms – Be mindful of spiritually or medically charged language
- Prioritize empathy, compassion, and understanding – Remember your audience’s vulnerability
The Impact of Thoughtful Communication
When we communicate thoughtfully, we create an environment where newcomers feel safe to explore recovery. We model the kind of person they might become – someone who speaks with wisdom rather than authority, experience rather than dogma.
Moving Forward Together
Effective communication in recovery isn’t about walking on eggshells or diluting our message. It’s about delivering our experience with the same care we’d want to receive if we were walking into our first meeting, scared and hoping someone might understand.
The goal isn’t to be perfect speakers but to be conscious communicators who remember that our words have power – power to heal or harm, to welcome or alienate, to inspire hope or instill fear.
Conclusion
Recovery communication is ultimately about connection. When we speak from experience rather than expertise, when we share rather than preach, and when we remember that we’re all just fellow travelers on this path, our words become bridges rather than barriers.
The most powerful AA message isn’t delivered through perfect rhetoric or memorized Big Book passages – it’s communicated through the authentic sharing of one alcoholic talking to another with honesty, humility, and hope.
In the end, how we say something is often more important than what we say. Our delivery can make the difference between someone walking back through the doors or never returning. That’s a responsibility worth taking seriously.g. That’s a responsibility worth taking seriously.
