Introduction: A Milestone of Gratitude
August 1 marks my Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Birthday – 37 years sober. It’s an incredible milestone, and I’m filled with gratitude and humility as my life continues to be transformed in unexpected ways through AA, shaping me into a better person. A heartfelt thank you to all those I’ve shared this journey with and learned so much from. Your support and wisdom have been invaluable.
I’m pleased to report that “Quit AA and start drinking!” is nowhere on my retirement bucket list. Why would it be? As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”
Instead, I’ve never been more at peace with AA, despite recognizing that it’s not a perfect recovery program tailored exclusively to my needs. Therein lies the most profound change I’ve experienced in the past several years of sobriety: my judgement has been severely deemphasized and I’m far more selective about which of my thoughts merit further attention. This shift has allowed me to approach life, and AA, with greater acceptance and less criticism, leading to a deeper sense of serenity.
My Personal Journey to Sobriety in AA
I’m profoundly grateful for stumbling into the AA rooms, connecting with the message of the abstinence solution, and the people who personally delivered it to me. This delivery often happened one-on-one, with one recovering alcoholic talking to another before and after meetings, and crucially, during those late-night conversations at coffee shops.
Despite suffering directly from alcoholism for many years, when I came to AA I needed some serious education on the basics. What alcoholism is and isn’t, and what is everyone doing to stay sober through AA that seems to be working. I was curious and interested.
For reasons I’m still uncovering, I found the energy and willingness to “go to any length” in the unique way required for my sobriety. For me, this meant persistently returning to meetings, paying close attention, asking questions, and humbly listening instead of talking.
Back then, at least in the meetings I attended, newcomer sharing wasn’t encouraged. The thinking was that as a newcomer, I was there to learn about AA and recovery, not to share my limited understanding or experiences. Learning that facing my fears, admitting to my lack of control (AA called this powerlessness), and being open to a new way of living was yet to come.
Some might call this mental state a “miracle.” I prefer to think of it as a combination of desperation and fortuitous timing. Regardless of the label, the program stuck. I found a sponsor, worked the steps diligently, and my life has never been the same.
The Old AA: Tough Love and Clear Expectations
I’m often asked about the type of AA I encountered in my early days, often described as the “tough love” or “shut up, sit down, and hold on” approach. Indeed, there were some very basic expectations back then:
- Show up on time (no late attendees could share)
- Sit through the entire meeting (at least until the smoke break)
- Show deference toward the old-timers. Or, at least know who the old-timers were
Newcomers were often told:
- “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth”
- “You have two ears and one mouth, use them in that ratio!”
- “If you want to eat, you have to work. Nothing is more dangerous than a newly sober person without a job!”
While this approach had its merits in providing clear structure and expectations, it’s important to acknowledge that it could be intimidating or off-putting for some. The directness worked for me, offering unambiguous guidance when I needed it most.
I don’t know if people were a bit thicker skinned back then, but it worked and as a result was quite common and hardly controversial. Today, I’m not sure this approach would work.
The Changing Landscape of Recovery
As we transition from my personal experiences to the broader landscape of recovery, it’s important to note how much has changed since I first entered the rooms of AA.
Today, I think via the well-intentioned motivation to be more inclusive and less harsh, the recovery landscape looks quite different. I rarely hear clear definitions of sobriety in meetings anymore. Sobriety is a pretty foundational concept and I know I needed it defined when I came in and was helpful to hear.
The worlds of science, pharmacology, mental health, and addiction treatment have evolved significantly over the past three decades, however. So, many of these old cliches are no longer heard.
Add to that many newcomers to AA today arrive after attending rehab, Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), or other medically supervised treatments. They come with a wealth of ideas presented as facts, which can sometimes conflict or without interpretation seem to be at odds with traditional AA principles.
The result is that many newcomers become unnecessarily confused and may drop out of AA, opting instead for therapy, other recovery programs, or attempting sobriety on their own, armed with this new information and the belief that “AA isn’t for me.” I think this decision to abandon AA can be a hasty, ill-informed, and unnecessary one with tragic consequences.
How AA Can Adapt to Modern Recovery
To address these challenges, and get more people to stick, I believe AA needs to provide updated information that reflects our changing world of recovery. Here are some suggestions:
- Develop clear guidelines on contemporary issues like legal cannabis use and emerging treatments that include medications other than antabuse.
- Not sure how this would be done but toning down the emphasis on spirituality to accommodate the growing population of young agnostics and atheists, while still preserving the spiritual aspect for those who find it beneficial is prudent and logical.
- Address common questions transparently, such as:
- “If I use legal cannabis for medical reasons, am I still considered sober?”
- “How does recreational cannabis use align with AA principles of sobriety?”
- “What types of therapy have been proven most complementary to recovery success?”
- Provide guidance on how AA can work alongside other treatment modalities and support systems.
Conclusion: Embracing Change While Honoring Tradition
As we celebrate milestones like 37 years of sobriety, it’s crucial to recognize that the world of recovery is evolving and will continue to evolve. The core principles of AA remain powerful and effective, but there’s a need to address the impact the changing landscape of substance use, mental health, and societal norms on the broader area of recovery.
By providing clearer guidelines on contemporary issues and embracing a more inclusive approach, AA can continue to be a beacon of hope for those seeking recovery. The challenge lies in balancing the time-tested wisdom of the program with the need for adaptation in a rapidly changing world.
I understand historically the AA position has been largely one of AA Central Office not commenting on what they label as “outside issues” alongside holding the “first 164 pages” as sacrosanct. But, the world has changed, information is everywhere, and frankly, some guidance is required.
Throughout my 37 years of sobriety, I’ve witnessed tremendous personal growth, not just in staying sober but in all aspects of life. AA has provided me with tools to navigate relationships, career challenges, and personal setbacks. This ongoing growth is a testament to the program’s enduring value.
As we move forward, let’s strive to maintain the essence of what makes AA work – the connection, support, and shared experience of one alcoholic helping another – while also being open to addressing the complex questions and challenges faced by newcomers today. In doing so, we can ensure that AA remains relevant, effective, and welcoming to all who seek its help for many years to come.
Our task is to carry the message of hope and recovery to the still-suffering alcoholic, in whatever form that may take in today’s world. Let’s embrace this challenge with open minds and grateful hearts. As for me, I look forward to continuing my journey in AA, growing alongside the program as it evolves, and helping others find the peace and freedom that sobriety has brought to my life.
