The Cost of Chaos
Learning how to lead AA meetings well starts with understanding what a newcomer needs. Picture yourself entering an AA meeting for the very first time, and you really need help to stop drinking. Or imagine you’re a senior member of AA dealing with some very real and disquieting realities that a meeting could help calm.
You’re looking for safety. Structure. The familiar tone that says, “You’re in the right place.”
Instead, what you find is chaos.
The meeting starts fifteen minutes late. When it finally begins, people talk off-topic, rambling without a point. Someone shares at length about their drug use—at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
Or it’s a women’s meeting, but a man shows up and the inexperienced secretary, eager to be helpful, says, “Can we vote to make this a mixed meeting today?”
Meanwhile, despite clear signs stating “No children” and “No dogs except service animals,” there are three dogs and two toddlers running around the room.
This is not what the newcomer—or the person thinking about drinking—is looking for. What they need is a huge calming exhale that they are safe. What they get instead is a meeting that feels like nobody’s in charge.
And that first-time person? They’re probably not walking away thinking, “What a great organization!”
Why Leadership Matters in AA
In my early days of sobriety, secretaries led the meetings. They determined topics and selected speakers unapologetically. The clarity of this structure was reassuring. My role as a newcomer was simple: absorb the proceedings and learn about AA’s approach to tackling alcoholism.
The meetings started and finished punctually. If someone spoke longer than usual, the secretary would politely request them to conclude. People who arrived late waited until those who were punctual had their turn to share. This seemed only fair and helped maintain order.
These well-conducted meetings were orderly, vibrant, informative, and immensely helpful to me in my recovery journey. Much credit goes to those proficient secretaries whose leadership built a solid foundation for decades of my sustained sobriety.
Leadership is an essential component in any organized group or setting, and this holds true for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. The meeting structure provided by experienced leaders, also known as secretaries, is often a comfort to newcomers.
Ego vs. Leadership: Knowing the Difference
It’s clear the line between Leadership and Ego has been blurred in recent years.
Just because an opinion is loudly presented doesn’t make it right. Nor is a weakly presented idea automatically wrong. Both are more about ego than leadership.
Leadership involves the use of principles: logic, clear communication, order, and fairness in seeing other sides.
Similarly, just because someone is rough around the edges with a colorful personality some don’t like, doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Someone who is not a “Leader” in temperament can still effectively lead a situation.
Somehow people confuse these subtle distinctions—often to minimize conflict and help others not feel uncomfortable. But in AA, a program based on reality, comfort comes from action. Comfort comes from attending a well-organized meeting with an experienced leader leading it.
All that aforementioned noise? It can be quickly eliminated.
What Good Leadership Looks Like
The meetings I attended in early sobriety were orderly, primarily due to the secretary’s competence and confidence. These individuals were deeply rooted in the AA steps and program and understood the unique dynamics of the meeting they were leading.
They demonstrated leadership by:
- Preparing a topic in advance
- Tactfully choosing speakers based on their sobriety duration and presentation style
- Skillfully balancing the participation of newcomers and old-timers
- Ensuring out-of-town attendees, birthday celebrants, or willing participants were given a chance to share
As I was once told, “Leading a great meeting is a work of art.”
The Art of Saying No
Good leadership sometimes means enforcing boundaries. It means saying:
- “The sign says no dogs. I’m sorry.”
- “The sign says no children. I’m sorry, those are the rules.”
- “This is a women’s meeting. There are other meetings on this list.”
- “Can you please wrap up your share so others can participate?”
- “I’m sorry, this is an AA meeting.” (When topics stray to other substances)
- “We really need you to speak on the topic.”
These aren’t power trips. They’re acts of service. They create the safe, predictable environment that allows recovery to happen.
The Problem with “Fairness Over Effectiveness”
So why are many meetings today not conducted this way?
I believe it’s largely because many attendees have not experienced a well-led meeting. Moreover, leading a meeting effectively requires specific skills—it truly is a work of art.
Another contributing factor is the preference for fairness over effectiveness. Many believe that meetings should be ‘self-run’ by volunteers or use random selection to determine speakers, viewing this as more democratic than using discretion.
However, this approach neglects the wisdom of the AA Big Book, which reminds us: “God gave us brains to use!”
Thoughtful leadership should be applied when conducting meetings. Democracy doesn’t mean chaos. Service doesn’t mean abdication of responsibility.
How to Lead a Meeting Effectively
If you’re given the opportunity to be a secretary, I encourage you to LEAD the meeting:
Before the Meeting:
- Prepare a clear topic
- Know your group’s traditions and guidelines
- Arrive early to set up and greet people
- Have a plan for who might share (while remaining flexible)
During the Meeting:
- Start and end on time
- State the meeting format and any guidelines clearly
- Call on speakers strategically—balance newcomers, old-timers, and those you know have something relevant to share
- Manage time respectfully but firmly
- Keep the meeting on topic
- Enforce group guidelines (no dogs, no children, meeting type, etc.)
The Skills Required:
- Confidence rooted in program knowledge
- The ability to be firm without being harsh
- Understanding of group dynamics
- Willingness to make decisions
- Comfort with potential discomfort
Leadership as Service
Here’s what leadership is NOT:
- Controlling who gets to speak based on personal preference
- Using the secretary position to promote your own views
- Being rigid for the sake of power
- Silencing dissent or discussion
Here’s what leadership IS:
- Creating a safe, structured environment
- Serving the newcomer and the group as a whole
- Applying group conscience decisions fairly
- Using discretion guided by principles
- Making the meeting a place people want to return to
The goal isn’t to be popular. The goal is to create an environment where recovery can happen.
The Stakes Are Higher Than You Think
That newcomer who walks into a chaotic meeting? They might not come back.
That struggling member dealing with a crisis? They might leave thinking AA has nothing to offer.
That person on the fence about whether AA can help them? A poorly-run meeting might be all the evidence they need to walk away.
We cannot afford to confuse leadership with ego, or mistake chaos for democracy.
A Call to Secretaries
If you’re asked to be a secretary, understand that you’re being entrusted with something important. You’re not just facilitating a meeting—you’re creating an environment where lives can be saved.
Be prepared. Manage time wisely. Select speakers strategically. Keep the meeting dynamic. Enforce guidelines without apology.
By doing so, you will create an engaging and supportive environment that keeps participants coming back—and that might be the difference between someone finding sobriety or walking away.
That’s not ego. That’s not control.
That’s leadership.
